To My Eldest

Dear Jordan,

Today I watched you walk into school.  Your backpack is huge on your tiny frame, your side puff and natural hair just cute as can be, all the while your favorite outfit of a skort and spaghetti strapped shirt stood out among the crowd of jeans and sweatshirts.  Your orange striped knee socks were folded over just the way you like them and your light up shoes sparkled with every step of the toes you took.  You were beautiful.  I even saw a couple little boys look at you.  You  have no idea how gorgeous God our Heavenly Father has made you.  But not only are you gorgeous on the outside, on the inside you are radiant.  God is changing your heart and making you more like him and as your mom, it is nothing less than awesome to watch.  You are a good friend, a great big sister, and a gentle soul.  You don't like it when others do something wrong such as lie or say mean things about another person.  I love seeing God work in you right now.  The things he is working on are so simple, yet things that we struggle with our entire lives.  Jordan, even as your mom, sometimes I have a hard time telling the truth.  Sometimes I have am mean and not so kind to others when they need it most.  I pray that your childlike faith stays just that...like that of a child, hurting with those that hurt,absolutely needing to be truthful or your soul hurts, and loving kindness which leads you to be kind.

I watched you walk into school today, and the realization that you are walking away from me was ever too clear.  Watching my first born grow up is so bittersweet.  The joy you feel when you learned to tie your shoes, oh baby girl, I felt it too!  But it was also yet another reminder that you are getting bigger and one day before I know it you will walk an aisle and take final steps away from me as your mother toward another whom you will entrust your earthly life too.  I know, I know, I will always be your mom, just like Grandma Bob is my mom.  But my relationship with grandma is different now that I am older with kids of my own.  I know I am getting ahead of myself, but I feel hear the rush of time coming up behind me, ready to blow right past me as the wind through the leaves and I am not ready for it.  I wish I could bottle up this memory of seeing you bounce into school today without a care in the world (or your homework).

 Baby girl, you are more precious than you know.  Your beauty is indescribable. May your feet be swift to share Jesus with the lost, and your hands quick to pull them from the flames.  May your heart be ready to envelop anyone who crosses your path, seeing only what God sees...a sheep without a shepherd.  Be different!  Be you and who God created you to be and you will stand out in the sea of facial beauties as one whose beauty comes from beyond the makeup and great clothes.  Be a beacon of hope, because as we both know, the hope of God does not disappoint.