Micah recently got a little mouse purse from Gymboree. Jordan has coveted it in the most sinful manner possible. Yesterday the babies broke Jordan's piggy bank so I promised her a new one, a little shopping trip per se, while the babies napped. This is the conversation that transpired last night.
Jordan (with much sobbing and tears): I want a mouse purse!
Me: You are not getting a mouse purse. That is Micah's. Besides that, you just got a new piggy bank. Micah didn't get a piggy bank.
Jordan: But I want a mouse purse!
Me: Jordan, you are being so ungrateful. You have more toys that are your own than any child in this house. Let Micah have this purse to herself. It is her purse.
Jordan, still sobbing has begun to thrash about a bit.
Me: Jordan, do you know what a funeral is?
Jordan: shakes her head no
Me: It is a special church service we go to when someone dies and goes to live with Jesus. Today Miss Courtney and I went to a funeral for a mom I know. Her little boy is only 5 years old. How old are you?
Jordan: five.
Me: So another little boy the same age as you has lost his mother. She went to be with Jesus. You have a mom and a dad who love you very much, a brother and sister who love you very much. You have so much to be thankful for.
Jordan: But I want a mouse purse!
In some ways this conversation was funny. Of course we disciplined as necessary. After the hour long bouts of time outs and crying fits I was going over the coversation in my head. I wonder how often God, while being patient and trying to speak rationally to our hearts, feels like he is talking to a 5 year old. Thank goodness that he is better at parenting than me!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sanctifying Love
I am up for my usual 2 a.m. wakeup call. Lately...well I say lately but this has been going on for about a month...I wake up at about the same time every single night and can't go back to sleep. I have tried Ambien at night, melatonin, etc. Nothing keeps me asleep. And if you know me well, you know that once I wake it is hard to go back to sleep due to anxiety. But tonight I chose to pray. I read two blog posts tonight before bed that convicted my heart. They have me thinking about the way I am parenting. I want to be a parent who lives by example. I see so much of my ugly sin in Jordan. There has been so much bickering and infighting within my brood lately that it has driven me absolutely insane. There are nights when Scott comes home and I just want to run off. I find an errand, any errand, and try to cram it into my night just to get away from the noise of selfishness and greed. What I need to do is try to use those moments to teach Jordan what it means to "run in the path of his commands." She has memorized several verses now. One is Psalm 119:32 "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." ( I have also had her memorize Ephesians 6:1 "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Somehow that one is less exciting for her to spout off though.) But anyway, she absolutely loves to quote her memorized verses for me. And you know what? It is good for me too. It has been a long time since I have set out to plant God's word permenently in my heart. Memorizing verses with Jordan is doing that. So tonight, I am up. It is 2:42 a.m. I have been up for about an hour and am weary of the wakeup calls. But tonight it struck me that perhaps God has me waking for a reason. This really is the only time during any part of the "day" that I don't fall asleep at the drop of a hat. See, falling asleep has never been my problem. It is the staying asleep part that eludes me. Tonight I prayed. I prayed for my children, who by all accounts sanctify my sick sinfilled heart more than even my marriage right now. I prayed that I would lead by example and love them, and that they would know they are loved. I prayed for Jordan, who is the leader of the pack right now. The little ones, especially Micah, follow her every lead. I prayed that she would run in the path of God's commands. But in order for her to do that, I need to teach them to her. Would you pray that I would be a patient mom and teach my children the ways of our wonderful God? I am not a patient person by nature. I am a yeller; I got that lovely generational sin from my dad. I am short tempered and quick to just discipline with no follow through. But they deserve more. This is one of the blog posts I read today that has me on my knees now. Thank you Tara Figgins for posting this:
She titled it "These Children, They Mold Me."
And maybe that is all — a Velveteen Mother is a mother who keeps bending her worn knees with prayers that her child may walk straight paths. Never ceasing to pray for her own crooked heart.
Never forgetting — Train up a child in the way he should go and be ready to forgive him. The Way he should go is down a road named Grace.
Why do I forget that becoming Real — becoming a velveteen mother – it will hurt in a thousand ways?
The weary and the wearing away and it the most beautiful part.
… they have made me sing and sob and they have made me know my sin. Strange, how hurting can heal. Strange, how sometimes we need what we don’t even know we want. Strange, how He makes ashes into beauty.
-Ann Voskamp
This is the part that got to my heart the most:
The weary and the wearing away and it the most beautiful part.
… they have made me sing and sob and they have made me know my sin. Strange, how hurting can heal. Strange, how sometimes we need what we don’t even know we want. Strange, how He makes ashes into beauty.
Why? Because I cannot tell you how many times I have told someone I am "child weary." I get so weary, and tired, and just plain worn away. Sometimes it feels that they are plucking away at every little hair on my body with each fight, arguement, hit or push. But God knew what I needed, and it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted kids, but never ever did I want twins. Ever. I remember crying so hard the day we got two phone calls. I told Scott over and over again that I didn't want them, but that I just wanted one. I wanted the one we first committed to because she had been waiting 10 days in a care home for us to come and get her. She was ours and her birthmom was counting on us. That meant I didn't want JW. And to be honest, of all of my kids in this very stage of life, he is my most sanctifying child. He cries inscesently due to reflux. He never likes anything offered to him. Dissatisfaction is a way of life for him. He is only happy when he is outside and I have noticed that he is extremely happy when he is with other boys. But guess what? He is the boy in the family. He has one boy cousin whom he never sees. He is surrounded by girls so he is often playing by himself, or playing rough with his sisters. He is in a tough spot right now developmentally. He has a significant speech delay which makes it hard to communicate with me what he needs or wants. This is getting better and better with each day. But let me tell you, between reflux and speech, there are some mornings that the crying doesn't stop until nap time. He tends to be happy from about 1:00 on; I guess that is when his tummy starts to feel better. It is also nap time which means he gets wound up and ready to play when it is time to sleep. I find myself frustrated and angry because by that time I need him to sleep as much as he needs to sleep. How much comfort I found in that tiny quote, though. God knew that what I needed was not what I wanted. Ultimately that is sanctification. It is a rough process that involves much pain as he refines by fire that bangs our hard as metal hearts into the shape of Christ. Sanctification. Not fun. But ironically, it is a comforting place to be.
I still lack a computer. I think Scott is just going to have to give up his death grip on his and allow me some time to load the hundreds of pics on my camera so I can share my little ones with you. They have gotten so big. Micah is growing hair and tons of it Who would have thought baldy would ever have hair? Not me. The curl is so tight that it is still short to her head. But it makes a darn cute afro. She is my stereotypical girl, meaning she is what you think a girl to be (not necessarily should be since God makes us all different.) She is feminine by nature, loves shoes and dresses, adores wearing bows in her hair, is motherly and kind at heart. JW is all boy. He is rough and tumble and thinks that because he loves physical wrestling type play that of course his sisters will too. Not the case, trust me. JW is in a size 4T for the most part, so when he decides he wants to throw his body on you to play, it hurts. I have many bruises to prove it. But oh man, when he isn't crying his smile is awesome. He melts my heart. Jordan is growing up. That is just all there is to it. She is becoming a little lady. She isn't girly; it isn't her style. She likes to get a little dirty and still has more boy friends than girls. She saw her little friend Beck at our church party Saturday and her face lit up. And I saw his light up too. Those two are so much alike that it is kind of scary. Beck's mom and I joke, saying that if they ever got married neither of us want to watch the grandbabies. We just assume they will be hellions on wheels haha! One thing that suprises me about Jordan is her love of learning. Every day she comes home and says "I have homework!" She wants to do it right then and there and doesn't understand that I don't want to do it right then and there. But she eats up our homework time. I believe she enjoys the one on one time with me as much as she enjoys her actual homework. So we press on and I am going to try harder, through his grace, to teach her which road she should take. Somehow I just need to tie that into learning how to right the letter "S" ?!
Also, while I am at it, I am asking you to take a quick moment to pray for my friend Heather. She is very sick with cancer. She has a little boy who is Jordan's age. I struggle to understand why God has allowed this for her and her family. But she never ceases to write encouraging things about how God is still good. Today on facebook I read that she wrote that she could no longer walk unassisted. But, she said, "I woke up and God is still good." She is obviously scared at this point but rests in her unfailing faith in an unfailing God. Oh how I long for this kind of surety within my soul. Sanctification. Thank you Jesus for sanctification.
She titled it "These Children, They Mold Me."
And maybe that is all — a Velveteen Mother is a mother who keeps bending her worn knees with prayers that her child may walk straight paths. Never ceasing to pray for her own crooked heart.
Never forgetting — Train up a child in the way he should go and be ready to forgive him. The Way he should go is down a road named Grace.
Why do I forget that becoming Real — becoming a velveteen mother – it will hurt in a thousand ways?
The weary and the wearing away and it the most beautiful part.
… they have made me sing and sob and they have made me know my sin. Strange, how hurting can heal. Strange, how sometimes we need what we don’t even know we want. Strange, how He makes ashes into beauty.
-Ann Voskamp
This is the part that got to my heart the most:
The weary and the wearing away and it the most beautiful part.
… they have made me sing and sob and they have made me know my sin. Strange, how hurting can heal. Strange, how sometimes we need what we don’t even know we want. Strange, how He makes ashes into beauty.
Why? Because I cannot tell you how many times I have told someone I am "child weary." I get so weary, and tired, and just plain worn away. Sometimes it feels that they are plucking away at every little hair on my body with each fight, arguement, hit or push. But God knew what I needed, and it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted kids, but never ever did I want twins. Ever. I remember crying so hard the day we got two phone calls. I told Scott over and over again that I didn't want them, but that I just wanted one. I wanted the one we first committed to because she had been waiting 10 days in a care home for us to come and get her. She was ours and her birthmom was counting on us. That meant I didn't want JW. And to be honest, of all of my kids in this very stage of life, he is my most sanctifying child. He cries inscesently due to reflux. He never likes anything offered to him. Dissatisfaction is a way of life for him. He is only happy when he is outside and I have noticed that he is extremely happy when he is with other boys. But guess what? He is the boy in the family. He has one boy cousin whom he never sees. He is surrounded by girls so he is often playing by himself, or playing rough with his sisters. He is in a tough spot right now developmentally. He has a significant speech delay which makes it hard to communicate with me what he needs or wants. This is getting better and better with each day. But let me tell you, between reflux and speech, there are some mornings that the crying doesn't stop until nap time. He tends to be happy from about 1:00 on; I guess that is when his tummy starts to feel better. It is also nap time which means he gets wound up and ready to play when it is time to sleep. I find myself frustrated and angry because by that time I need him to sleep as much as he needs to sleep. How much comfort I found in that tiny quote, though. God knew that what I needed was not what I wanted. Ultimately that is sanctification. It is a rough process that involves much pain as he refines by fire that bangs our hard as metal hearts into the shape of Christ. Sanctification. Not fun. But ironically, it is a comforting place to be.
I still lack a computer. I think Scott is just going to have to give up his death grip on his and allow me some time to load the hundreds of pics on my camera so I can share my little ones with you. They have gotten so big. Micah is growing hair and tons of it Who would have thought baldy would ever have hair? Not me. The curl is so tight that it is still short to her head. But it makes a darn cute afro. She is my stereotypical girl, meaning she is what you think a girl to be (not necessarily should be since God makes us all different.) She is feminine by nature, loves shoes and dresses, adores wearing bows in her hair, is motherly and kind at heart. JW is all boy. He is rough and tumble and thinks that because he loves physical wrestling type play that of course his sisters will too. Not the case, trust me. JW is in a size 4T for the most part, so when he decides he wants to throw his body on you to play, it hurts. I have many bruises to prove it. But oh man, when he isn't crying his smile is awesome. He melts my heart. Jordan is growing up. That is just all there is to it. She is becoming a little lady. She isn't girly; it isn't her style. She likes to get a little dirty and still has more boy friends than girls. She saw her little friend Beck at our church party Saturday and her face lit up. And I saw his light up too. Those two are so much alike that it is kind of scary. Beck's mom and I joke, saying that if they ever got married neither of us want to watch the grandbabies. We just assume they will be hellions on wheels haha! One thing that suprises me about Jordan is her love of learning. Every day she comes home and says "I have homework!" She wants to do it right then and there and doesn't understand that I don't want to do it right then and there. But she eats up our homework time. I believe she enjoys the one on one time with me as much as she enjoys her actual homework. So we press on and I am going to try harder, through his grace, to teach her which road she should take. Somehow I just need to tie that into learning how to right the letter "S" ?!
Also, while I am at it, I am asking you to take a quick moment to pray for my friend Heather. She is very sick with cancer. She has a little boy who is Jordan's age. I struggle to understand why God has allowed this for her and her family. But she never ceases to write encouraging things about how God is still good. Today on facebook I read that she wrote that she could no longer walk unassisted. But, she said, "I woke up and God is still good." She is obviously scared at this point but rests in her unfailing faith in an unfailing God. Oh how I long for this kind of surety within my soul. Sanctification. Thank you Jesus for sanctification.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I have lots of pics
But I don't have a computer. Right now I am on Scott's crappy work computer, so there is no way I can put personal stuff on here. He takes his laptop to work and leaves me here with this piece of junk. So that is why I am lacking in the pics department. There just aren't any to show you. Being poor is hard sometimes. I would love to just get on the dell website and buy a computer. Oh well. In a few short months after some stuff is paid off I can get one. Patience is a virtue.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Maybe moms/wifes DO know what they are talking about?
So today I left really early in the morning to help a friend set up for a garage sale. I was too late to set up, but not too late to sort through things and get a couple cute finds for a picture project I am working on. When I left, every child was awake and Scott was asleep on the couch. I gave them all a cup of milk and Scott asked me to close off the room so noone escaped. His intention was to keep sleeping while they quietly watched tv. (Um, what was he thinking?) I know I have repetedly told him that it isn't wise to sleep while the little toddlers are roaming free. I guess it fell on deaf ears because while I was gone JW took off his diaper and pooped all over the house. There was poop in three different rooms. Scott sorta cleaned it but I have no idea where it was so short of putting my nose to the floor to smell for it, there isn't much I can do to disinfect.
Now, what about this makes me laugh?
Now, what about this makes me laugh?
Saturday, September 24, 2011
MIA SAHM
Does anyone need a rundown on what that title means? It means this: "Missing in action stay at home mom." That is me. To say I am a stay at home mom would be a joke. Though yes, technically this is what I do, but I am never ever home. A typical week looks something like this:
Everyday Jordan is dropped off at school at 8 and has to be picked up at 12.
Mondays JW has speech therapy at 9. So after dropping off J I rush home and get the two little ones presentable. It is more important that they look good than me. I showered the day before, because it was Sunday. So I pull my hair up into a pony tail and spray on a little perfume and call myself body odor free. Since I am already out I usually run a couple errands, but not much because errands with two 2 year olds is not easy on the mind or the body. This Monday Jordan also has a doc appointment at 1:45 for her checkup and flu mist. So, lucky me gets to take 3 tired kids to the doctor. That is nap time so it should be a less than enjoyable experience. Tuesdays I fold laundry and clean while Jordan is at school. Wednesday mornings I have Bible study from 9:30-11:30, then every other week I have counseling for my mental instability and general lack of ability to cope with life at 12. My mom is kind enough to pick up Jordan from school on Wednesdays. Then, that night Mollie Dog has obedience training at 6:30. Thursdays Jordan has ballet at 5:15. And Friday nights once a month Jordan and I are doing a mother/daughter Bible study. It is so worth it. There is also another day during the week that laundry has to be done (a typical week involves 15 loads of laundry). This week that day is today. Most days dinner isn't made. Most days I am not showered. That is one plus to aging...my hair can finally go a couple days without being washed. Most days I am in my pajamas for the majority of the day. And most days I am exhausted all day long. So that is why I have been MIA from my blog. I actually miss it. I miss taking pictures, but even that is something that has fallen by the wayside. I just don't have time anymore. So if you ever come to my house you must promise to ignore the tumbleweeds of dog hair on the floor, be understanding of all the crying because if it isn't me it is a kid, and if it stinks like poop, more than likely someone has a poopy diaper that I have been ignoring for an hour. You can change it if you want, though I would advise not doing that haha. Just ignore that smell too.
Just a little update from my side of the river. I could just use prayers for energy and rest. Physically I am exhausted. I get tired of hearing people say "You are in such a hard stage." Yes, I am. I agree. However, I don't think that the things that I am currently dealing with are normal "mom of young kids things." I will not go into detail on a public blog, but I do know that God offers help through counselors and I am taking him up on that. Eventually I will put up some pictures. I have taken some cute ones. JW is in a size 3 or 4, depending on the brand and wears a size 10 shoe. Jordan just wore 10's last summer. He comes up to Jordan's mouth...just a big kid. They wear me out haha! I feel I need to spend more time with them; but when? There are already tons of things that don't get done, like dinner and cleaning. I rarely clean anymore. I will figure it out as I go. I just don't want them to feel like they don't have memories with me because life was so crazy. Well, that was a little more personal than I wanted it to be. But it is what it is. I am generally an open book. I adore my kids and love them more than anything I can put into words. I am so thankful for them. God has blessed me for sure!
Everyday Jordan is dropped off at school at 8 and has to be picked up at 12.
Mondays JW has speech therapy at 9. So after dropping off J I rush home and get the two little ones presentable. It is more important that they look good than me. I showered the day before, because it was Sunday. So I pull my hair up into a pony tail and spray on a little perfume and call myself body odor free. Since I am already out I usually run a couple errands, but not much because errands with two 2 year olds is not easy on the mind or the body. This Monday Jordan also has a doc appointment at 1:45 for her checkup and flu mist. So, lucky me gets to take 3 tired kids to the doctor. That is nap time so it should be a less than enjoyable experience. Tuesdays I fold laundry and clean while Jordan is at school. Wednesday mornings I have Bible study from 9:30-11:30, then every other week I have counseling for my mental instability and general lack of ability to cope with life at 12. My mom is kind enough to pick up Jordan from school on Wednesdays. Then, that night Mollie Dog has obedience training at 6:30. Thursdays Jordan has ballet at 5:15. And Friday nights once a month Jordan and I are doing a mother/daughter Bible study. It is so worth it. There is also another day during the week that laundry has to be done (a typical week involves 15 loads of laundry). This week that day is today. Most days dinner isn't made. Most days I am not showered. That is one plus to aging...my hair can finally go a couple days without being washed. Most days I am in my pajamas for the majority of the day. And most days I am exhausted all day long. So that is why I have been MIA from my blog. I actually miss it. I miss taking pictures, but even that is something that has fallen by the wayside. I just don't have time anymore. So if you ever come to my house you must promise to ignore the tumbleweeds of dog hair on the floor, be understanding of all the crying because if it isn't me it is a kid, and if it stinks like poop, more than likely someone has a poopy diaper that I have been ignoring for an hour. You can change it if you want, though I would advise not doing that haha. Just ignore that smell too.
Just a little update from my side of the river. I could just use prayers for energy and rest. Physically I am exhausted. I get tired of hearing people say "You are in such a hard stage." Yes, I am. I agree. However, I don't think that the things that I am currently dealing with are normal "mom of young kids things." I will not go into detail on a public blog, but I do know that God offers help through counselors and I am taking him up on that. Eventually I will put up some pictures. I have taken some cute ones. JW is in a size 3 or 4, depending on the brand and wears a size 10 shoe. Jordan just wore 10's last summer. He comes up to Jordan's mouth...just a big kid. They wear me out haha! I feel I need to spend more time with them; but when? There are already tons of things that don't get done, like dinner and cleaning. I rarely clean anymore. I will figure it out as I go. I just don't want them to feel like they don't have memories with me because life was so crazy. Well, that was a little more personal than I wanted it to be. But it is what it is. I am generally an open book. I adore my kids and love them more than anything I can put into words. I am so thankful for them. God has blessed me for sure!
Monday, August 29, 2011
A Day To Remember
A certain little girl prayed to receive Christ last night. She recognized her sin recently and has been telling her Grandma Bob that she is a bad Jordan because she is mean to the babies. I told her that the only way to be better is through Jesus, and he has to live in you in order to do his work. So that was it, she prayed. I was just thinking a couple days ago...wondering when it will happen...why it hadn't happened yet...etc.
Thank you Jesus, for being faithful to my kids even when I am not. Thank you for your covenant promises to families and for your love for me. I am not lovable, yet you not only love me, but adore me, dance over me, and rejoice over me with singing. Your glory has yet again been revealed in your goodness by calling Jordan to yourself.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Love Them
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Glory and Goodness
This post has been brewing in my head for a while now. I am not sure that I am going to properly be able to type out what God has shown of himself to my heart. But attempt, I shall. A couple Sundays ago we had a guest speaker at church. I couldn't tell you who he is, but what he said left a huge impression on me. He spoke on Exodus 33:18-19, "Then Moses said 'Now show me you glory.' And the Lord said, 'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you,...' " What did the Lord reveal when asked to show his glory? God revealed all of his GOODNESS. His glory is wrapped up in being a God who is full of goodness.
For years and years in college I would beg God to reveal his glory in and through my life. Niavely, I assumed I was praying that God would bring people to himself through me. Yes, that is part of God revealing his glory; afterall, there is nothing better or more good than seeing the lame leap and the blind see. But now as an adult I realize that God reveals his glory by also just being good to me, by giving me all that I could have ever dreamed of having. How has he revealed his glory, or been good to me? Well, he keeps his promises to me. In his word he says that he places orphans in homes, and the barren woman in a tent full of children. All I have to do is look at my kids and see God's goodness to me. I see his pure and wonderful delight in just being who he is and being good to me, while I remain his sinful child. Of course I also think that he will use me to bring others to himself, but at this point in my life I think that mainly applies to the salvation of my kids. God is in the business of saving families. That is his covenant promise, that his grace rests on you and your household, and for thousands of generations to come. He delights in bringing entire families into his kingdom. That in mind, his goodness and glory will be shown through our adoption of children who may not have been adopted into families on whom that promise rests. My God is so great to show me how good he really is. I don't know that I will ever be able to wrap my mind around his goodness. My love for my kids cannot be measured. I can't fathom how immeasurable his love for his children must be, especially considering it is unfailing and neverending, whereas mine is limited by my sin.
Thank you, Lord, for being so good to me. Thank you for answering the many "off the cuff" prayers I have prayed to see your glory. I see your glory in every smile, tear, hug, or giggle of my day.
God
is
For years and years in college I would beg God to reveal his glory in and through my life. Niavely, I assumed I was praying that God would bring people to himself through me. Yes, that is part of God revealing his glory; afterall, there is nothing better or more good than seeing the lame leap and the blind see. But now as an adult I realize that God reveals his glory by also just being good to me, by giving me all that I could have ever dreamed of having. How has he revealed his glory, or been good to me? Well, he keeps his promises to me. In his word he says that he places orphans in homes, and the barren woman in a tent full of children. All I have to do is look at my kids and see God's goodness to me. I see his pure and wonderful delight in just being who he is and being good to me, while I remain his sinful child. Of course I also think that he will use me to bring others to himself, but at this point in my life I think that mainly applies to the salvation of my kids. God is in the business of saving families. That is his covenant promise, that his grace rests on you and your household, and for thousands of generations to come. He delights in bringing entire families into his kingdom. That in mind, his goodness and glory will be shown through our adoption of children who may not have been adopted into families on whom that promise rests. My God is so great to show me how good he really is. I don't know that I will ever be able to wrap my mind around his goodness. My love for my kids cannot be measured. I can't fathom how immeasurable his love for his children must be, especially considering it is unfailing and neverending, whereas mine is limited by my sin.
Thank you, Lord, for being so good to me. Thank you for answering the many "off the cuff" prayers I have prayed to see your glory. I see your glory in every smile, tear, hug, or giggle of my day.
God
is
good! Heck, he even gave me a great hubby to boot :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Water Babies
Just a few short weeks ago, none of my children would go near a pool. Jordan would go in, but only if someone was holding onto her and she had water wings along with another floatation device of some sort. Neither Micah nor JW would go in. At all. Ever. Micah would run the other way when we said we were going in the pool and JW would just say "No" and turn around. But when we went to my in-laws something changed. They have a pool so the kid's cousins were in the pool all day every day. Jordan longed to join the fun. She had just come off a week of swim lessons where she got used to being in the water, but was still really very timid. Eventually, while at my in-laws, she went in and would swim around by herself. Granted, it was always with a styrofoam ring and swimmies, but still, that is a huge step. And the babies got to where they loved the water. JW would jump off the edge to his daddy, not realizing that the water was way over his head. It is fun to watch them grow in confidence...or is it ignorance ;) Who knows. One thing I do know is that mornings at the Y are way more chaotic now. And it goes without saying that Jordan will be in swim lessons until school starts. I grew up in the water and plan on my kids being as comfortable as I am. There is no way I will have kids who don't know how to swim.
The baby pool shot makes me thing of the movie Tommy Boy. "Fat guy in a little suit." But in Scott's case it would be "Big man in a tiny pool."
And on another note, wow, is the hubs white or what? I mean, really haha! It makes me wonder, I must practically glow up against my kids. If Scott looks white, I must look albino.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Grief
Sunday, June 5, 2011
God's Ways
The book of Jeremiah is full of so much wisdom about our Lord. But Jeremiah 29:11 is hitting hard right now.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Or how about this similar gem from Isaiah 55?
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Tonight I found out some startling news. Back when Scott and I were going through infertility treatments, one thing that was tested was the sperm count. Well, we have come to find out his is considered to be very very low. We were never, not once, told this by our specialist. We went on about our treatments and stopped doing anything after several failed attempts at IUIs. I wonder now, if we had known how low his count really was/is, how would that have changed our decisions? Would we have gone on to do IVF and have biological children? I bet we would have. At the time we chose not to do so because we thought our infertility issues were unknown and therefore IVF may not solve any problems. We chose to throw that money into an adoption, which to us was a sure bet, versus IVF which in our eyes was a gamble. Looking back....knowing what we know now...It makes me want to scoop up my babies and 5 year old and hug them, tell them how much I love them and how grateful I am that God withheld that information from us. I know why he kept us in the dark, because he wanted our family to consist of the babies he had chosen for us from before the foundation of the world. I am so grateful, and humbled, by our God. Thank you Jesus, for having grander plans than I had for myself. Thank you Father, for putting up with my selfishness during those times and steadily planning to bless us with the wondeful children we have in our lives. They are awesome, and we are better for having them.
At the same time that I rejoice in God and his goodness, I mourn with friends. Dear friends lost their 4 year old daughter a little over a year ago. We have watched them grieve over the last year, then watched them get pregnant, only to lose this baby at 24 weeks. I question why God would place such a burden on one family's shoulders. It seems almost too much to bear. I don't understand how the deaths of two precious and God created children gives this family hope and a future. I do know them well enough to know that they are clinging, even if it be by a very thin string, to the hope that God promises does NOT disappoint (Romans 5). I don't understand God's ways, thoughts, decisions. I do know that I serve a God that is both good and loving. I also know that I live in a world that is both fallen and seeping with sin. Sin is what causes ugly and painful deaths; sin is why Hannah and Timothy are buried next to eachother. Sin is why death, even when someone is at an old age, is painful to watch. But sin and Satan were defeated on the cross. So my friends will see their children again in Heaven. In the meantime, we grieve with them. Will you please pray for them? I know they need it.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Or how about this similar gem from Isaiah 55?
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Tonight I found out some startling news. Back when Scott and I were going through infertility treatments, one thing that was tested was the sperm count. Well, we have come to find out his is considered to be very very low. We were never, not once, told this by our specialist. We went on about our treatments and stopped doing anything after several failed attempts at IUIs. I wonder now, if we had known how low his count really was/is, how would that have changed our decisions? Would we have gone on to do IVF and have biological children? I bet we would have. At the time we chose not to do so because we thought our infertility issues were unknown and therefore IVF may not solve any problems. We chose to throw that money into an adoption, which to us was a sure bet, versus IVF which in our eyes was a gamble. Looking back....knowing what we know now...It makes me want to scoop up my babies and 5 year old and hug them, tell them how much I love them and how grateful I am that God withheld that information from us. I know why he kept us in the dark, because he wanted our family to consist of the babies he had chosen for us from before the foundation of the world. I am so grateful, and humbled, by our God. Thank you Jesus, for having grander plans than I had for myself. Thank you Father, for putting up with my selfishness during those times and steadily planning to bless us with the wondeful children we have in our lives. They are awesome, and we are better for having them.
At the same time that I rejoice in God and his goodness, I mourn with friends. Dear friends lost their 4 year old daughter a little over a year ago. We have watched them grieve over the last year, then watched them get pregnant, only to lose this baby at 24 weeks. I question why God would place such a burden on one family's shoulders. It seems almost too much to bear. I don't understand how the deaths of two precious and God created children gives this family hope and a future. I do know them well enough to know that they are clinging, even if it be by a very thin string, to the hope that God promises does NOT disappoint (Romans 5). I don't understand God's ways, thoughts, decisions. I do know that I serve a God that is both good and loving. I also know that I live in a world that is both fallen and seeping with sin. Sin is what causes ugly and painful deaths; sin is why Hannah and Timothy are buried next to eachother. Sin is why death, even when someone is at an old age, is painful to watch. But sin and Satan were defeated on the cross. So my friends will see their children again in Heaven. In the meantime, we grieve with them. Will you please pray for them? I know they need it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
2 Year Stats
Micah: 26 lbs 8 oz (45%), 34 inches (50%), head circ of 18 cm (10%). Tiniest head ever.
JW: 33 lbs 6 oz (90%), 36 inches (90%), head circ of 20.5 cm (off the chart). Micah's exact opposite.
And the funny of that day? The pediatrician said "I think it is safe to assume that Jeremiah will never be average sized." haha! Ya think? I was assuming that when he as 10 lbs 12 oz at two weeks old.
JW: 33 lbs 6 oz (90%), 36 inches (90%), head circ of 20.5 cm (off the chart). Micah's exact opposite.
And the funny of that day? The pediatrician said "I think it is safe to assume that Jeremiah will never be average sized." haha! Ya think? I was assuming that when he as 10 lbs 12 oz at two weeks old.
Friday, May 27, 2011
My "Babies" Are TWO!!!
First was Micah's birthday. Micah is all about chocolate. She regularly asks for chocolate milk, chocolate goldfish, etc. So it made sense that she would have chocolate brownies. We didn't even have to tell her what to do with the candles. She just blew them out. Must have seen that on a cartoon or something.
Then was JW's birthday. He is all about fruit, so we sliced up watermelon and stuck some candles in it. Voila! Happy Bday Big Boy!
Micah on JW's birthday...with a camera hog behind her.
And another picture of the camera hog.
Then we had a joint birthday celebration at my mom's farm. We love visiting the farm. The kids love the animals. The animals all become food eventually, but they haven't really put two and two together yet. But anyway, I made two small cakes, so each kid could have their own candles to blow out. Micah wasn't about blowing out candles. She just wanted to eat. JW did all the blowing...and spitting.
Now JW decided he was bound by brotherhood to help sister blow out the candles. 
Micah ate ONLY the chocolate ice cream and chocolate frosting. Clever chocolate loving girl. Let me also say that there was an entire cake left over. I ate it, by myself, in 24 hours. Gross. Gross. Gross. But I am not ashamed. I am a woman and sometimes my hormones demand such glutony.
Mom and Micah enjoying a precious moment. Micah was tired and just wanted to snuggle.
Jordan in the pool. For my northern friends, it was 99 degrees that day. Pool weather is in full swing. By this time next month the pool will be so warm it won't even be comfortable.
Sweet and beautiful girl :)
Jordan decided she would be a sweet sissy and push Micah on the swing. She and Micah love eachother. A lot. Heck, all my kids love eachother.
Mom and JW lounging. I have no idea who mom is taking a pic of. Probably taking a pic of me taking a pic of her.
Sweet boy! This boy has stolen my heart. For anyone who doesn't have a boy, you need one. Well, I guess you don't "need" one, but man, they are sweet.
This boy all of a sudden looks huge to me.
Joined at the hip, these two "babies." When should I stop calling them "the babies?" 
Another pic of my pretty baby girl.
Man, they have grown up. The last time we spent an extended amount of time outside at my mom's I had to follow them around, hovering like a helicopter. Now I just sat and watched, and snapped pictures.
They climbed slides all by themselves. They went down slides by themselves, or back down the ladder by themselves. Two seems awefully big all of a sudden.
Jordan also LOVES to swing. I noticed the other day that she was swinging with her eyes closed. It took me right back to childhood. Remember doing that? I loved the feeling of not really knowing where in the air I was, and feeling my stomach drop with the swing. I hope she cherishes these carefree days of childhood and summer. I also hope that she sees God in the joy of swinging, that just like the swing is holding her up when she can't see, so is God. 
On a totally unrelated note, does anyone know why the words are wrapping properly? I don't think I like this new blogger setup. Boo hiss on change!
Jordan Is a Kindergartener :)
What?!? When did that happen? She graduated from pre-k last week. Please ignore her hair. It was a bad experiment in banatu knots, which are adorable when done right. I will keep trying because I am determined to use them in our hair rotation.
So, the morning of graduation I go to drop her off at carline and find out there is no school. None. I am told that in an hour all the kindergarteners are meeting at the park for graduation. I literally didn't get the memo. J had been sick a couple weeks ago and I assume that is when the itenerary was sent out. So in an hour I had to convince Scott to come to graduation (it wasn't a good day for him to leave work), pack food to keep the babies entertained in case he couldn't come, grab my camera, and go get a teacher gift. It was a stressful morning, to say the least. Hence, Jordan looks like she is going to play in the back yard. I had no time to fix the knot hairdo and no time to change her clothes. Granted, it was at a park and I was told she needed to wear play clothes, but I would have put her in nicer play clothes (and hair) had I known.
Singing "What a Mighty God We Serve" I am glad that she is learning little songs like this. She likes to sing them at home too, so the babies are learning them as well. This is about all I got of pics of her. She grabbed her "diploma" so fast that I missed it on camera. All she cared about was playing on the playground.
The babies decided to join their big sis on stage. Fortunately for us, the onlookers thought it was super cute.
Look at the size difference between Jordan and JW. It is hardly anything. I honestly think it is 4 inches...maybe.
Such a sweet moment. I had my telephoto zoom lens on and caught the two just snuggling. I hate that JW's eyes are closed, but I still love the emotion.
When did he decide to grow up? I swear he looks like he is 4.
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