We've Come a Long Way, Babies!

This past month has been a month of traveling for us. While in the van I put in an old CD, one that is a goodie in my humble opinion. "I still believe" by Jeremy Camp was my song of misery during the dark days of infertility, and hearing it in the van transported me right back to that time. For years I would cry, weep, even moan in agony as I watched friends get pregnant, give birth, and repeat the cycle in the years I was trying to have the just one. This song seemed to capture where my heart was for those many years. It became my anthem. I felt that all I could do was fall on my knees before a God whom I knew as a promise fulfiller, yet had so far fulfilled the promise of children for me. I had to believe that he was still that God and that because of that there was reason for me to still believe and hope that one day we would have children. I distinclty remember going to work while living in St Louis, listening to this song while crossing over a bridge on Page Ave. I had the thought: "Oh gosh...one day we will have twins." Of course I assumed that meant they would be twins from my womb, but that doesn't matter much now. I felt like Abraham when he was told he would father nations. Of course, I wasn't told I would be the mother of nations. Thank God. If I heard that promise I might question my sanity. But I did, however, in that still moment with Jeremy Camp playing in the background, feel that God was speaking a promise into my heart. So this song, especially the bridge portion of the song, is still so close to me. It is how I felt: feeble, broken, tired, at times feeling very far from God's embrace, yet still believing that I chose THE God of all gods to serve; therefore, I would be okay.

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus:]
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

[Chorus]

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

So, who would have thought that 9, almost 10 years after our trying to conceive process began that we would be where we are? Listening to Jeremy Camp in a VAN full of kids? We are a family of 5 (with dare I say, a set of twins) and 2 dogs. Though, the second dog may have not been the wisest of decisons ;) That one is still up for debate.















And as a total unrelated side note: My camera is in the shop for focus issues. I should have it back soon. I miss it dearly. dearly. Today Micah shoved headband after hat after set of cat ears onto her head and smiled so proudly as her tiny head held all these accessories. Oh how I wish I would have been able to capture that. We also have faster internet now, so from now on (not including today's post) pictures will be posted correctly and the appropriate size. I think the huge size they are now, which does allow for seeing straight up someone's nose, is just not good.