On Finishing Well

Good old Michael English. Back in the day he was my favorite Christian singer. Some friends of mine actually took me to his concert one year. Gosh, that was back in 1995. That was a loooong time ago. Anyway, he was staying in the same hotel as us and...wait for it...we saw him at the elevator!!!! We were very young and star struck and thought it was the coolest thing ever. Other than Hulk Hogan I haven't seen a celebrity, and I am not sure that the Hulk really qualifies as a celebrity. Oh, I did see Mark Maguire once. Anyway, I digress. Michael English sang a song called "Heaven." They lyrics are strong in my head right now because of one reason.

My grandma is very sick. She is dying. My grandma, whom I named my baby girl Micah Ruth after, is nearing the end. Last week when she initially became ill I was so scared for her to face Heaven. I don't think she can say she finished the Christian race "well." That makes her no less saved because faith is what saves through grace, not the works we do along the way. But I worried that she would get to Heaven and feel shame, feel scared because she doesn't have the number of crowns to throw at Christ's feet as the person worshiping next to her. I worried she would feel fear, and maybe some anger. Thinking this through forced me to think on what I really believe about heaven, who gets to go there, how they get there, and what it will be like. What I really believe is that only those who know Christ as Lord and Savior will go there. We get there by grace through faith. Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds us that "It is by grace we are saved, THROUGH FAITH - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so no man can boast." I believe that through a saving faith one is given grace, washed in the blood of Christ, seen as righteous and holy in his sight, and allowed to enter through the pearly gates. I also believe there is no sin in heaven. Sin cannot enter heaven because our holy and perfect God cannot be around sin. Therefore, the shame, fear, anger, embarrassment, etc that I worried my grandmother might feel cannot and will not be in heaven either. Which means that the things my grandma will feel when she finally goes to meet Jesus will be joy, humility, and more love than she has ever known or felt in her life. (I must add, real quickly, that all these fears I feared for my grandma were/are things I fear for myself as well. I know now that I have done a lot of projection of my fears and insecurities into her life. They may not be true of her. In the end it doesn't matter, because whatever sins she carries from this earth are damned to hell where they belong and she enters Heaven covered in the blood, seen as holy and righteous. 1 Chorinthians 15:54-55 "Death is swallowed up in victory. Oh death, where is your victory? Oh death, where is your sting?")

I also believe that if she could turn to those of us she has temporarily left behind and give us one piece of advise it would be to finish well. She would tell me that I cannot experience life the way Jesus would want me to unless I am living and doing well. Doing so will make my entrance through the pearly gates that much more powerful. She would also remind us all to make sure our underwear drawer is clean and organized for those who will have to go through it later. Not sure why she would be worried about her underwear drawer, but she is. She told my mom to make sure her's is neat and organized. Maybe it is along the same idea of having clean underwear on just in case you are in a terrible accident and your clothes have to be cut off. Who knows. But I do know that she feels the state of organization of our intimate drawers is important.

Dear readers, please do take a minute to pray for my family. My grandfather is beside himself with grief as we all watch grandma slip away a little more each day. It is impossible to verbalize how it feels to have an important relationship end. It just ends and is no more while still here on Earth. The grief as a granddaughter has been nearly overwhelming at times. Even now, I have slept 3 hours in the last 24 hours and still cannot sleep. I am exhausted but I cry a lot. I wake in the middle of the night to fall to my knees in prayer for my grandma and grandpa. I cannot imagine what it will be like to live life without my grandma, and my grandpa is looking at living the rest of his life without his love. I literally cannot imagine the pain. Pray for strength. Pray that grandma would be comfortable and that the Lord would have mercy on her body soon. The one good thing that has come of this is the conversations I have been able to have with Jordan. I am not too sure what she understands about death and Heaven, but today she told me that if Jesus lives in your heart then you will go to Heaven when you die. Then she said this: "In seven minutes, grandma is going to live with Jesus. If she can't walk to him someone will help her. And when she meets him he will heal her." I think that is pretty darn accurate.

Oh Grandma, how I wish I could go with you. I can't imagine having life without you in it. But I have kids that need a mom to show them Jesus. But go, go with a smile. Better yet, run to Jesus. Run like you are 10 years old again. Enjoy it for me and I'll be there before you know it.

I cannot post anything about heaven without attaching this song. It always makes me cry, but tonight even more so. With the last swell of "Ohs" I swear I can hear souls being called up to heaven. It is is like Jesus, while sitting on his throne, raises his hands and breaths heavenly life into souls as they leave the body to enter their one true home.

Can you believe people used to do this to their hair? What was Wayne Watson thinking?