Waiting for Micah

Oh, my little bub, where are you? And the wait continues with no clear end in sight. Don't get me wrong, I know there is an end that will come. It is just so hard having a piece of my heart seperated from me. I am coming to grips with the fact that this just isn't going to happen the way I wanted it to, or hoped it would. I hoped for an easier time this go around. I hoped for no failed adoptions...and for a quick one at that. But here we sit nearly 4 months after filing paperwork still a family of 3. I do know that God's timing is perfect, but I am also human. Somehow that little fact is less than comforting. It is a good thing that God is so gracious! He doesn't hold my lack of faith against me. It was nailed to the cross along with all my other sins. When talking with my other fellow adoptees I say this is my last baby. After Micah I am done. But you know what? I find that hard to believe. It would be pretty selfish of me to say I am done purely because I don't want to go through the emotional crap again. Adoption is a rescue effort, and rescue efforts take time, energy, and sacrifice. I guess I can't make the decision about future adoptions before going through this one, right? In my flesh I want Micah to be the last. It is too hard. But in my spirit I hear the Lord telling me to trust him with the future...don't get caught up in those kind of decisions now.

On a different yet somewhat related topic, I have this strange feeling that we will have 2 children very close together. I don't know if that means my nightmare will come true (getting pregnant) or if we will adopt 2 kiddos in one year. Who knows. But I just have this gut feeling. So much of a gut feeling that I talked through the "what ifs" with Scott. What if I got pregnant before an adoption goes through? Do we do the adoption too? The answer is a resounding yes! What if we adopt from the agency then a doctor calls, or the lawyer? Once again, we do both! I will hope and pray that the latter of the two is the case. I DO NOT want to be pregnant. Ever. It is awesome to think that I can even say that now. 5 years ago I would have never thought that my heart would be healed in that way. But, no thank you, keep that gift for some other woman! Through this entire trial of faith I have realized that adoption has nothing to do with my infertility. Yeah, yeah, plenty of people think that we have adopted because God stitched my womb shut. Those people could not be more wrong! In the grand scheme of spiritual happenings, adoption is about God. God is all about his glory, right? Yes. So our adoption trials are not due to infertility. Our trials are so He can be glorified through Jordan, Micah, and whoever will follow.

Now since I have posted pictures in a long long time, here goes nothing.

Two of my sweet nieces this past weekend. Zoe (in the yellow) is Nate's daughter. Savannah is Aaron's. They are best buds even though they are seperated by an entire day's drive.



Big sis to be :) I can't ever get her to even look at me, let alone smile for the camera. But here she is, in her first summer dress of the season. Bring on spring!


My new niece! Congrats Aaron and Christi! Danica Madeline...so dreamy!


Mickey Mouse puffs, oh how I have missed thee! I know that some people say that this little hairdo looks like mouse ears, but I love it. She is singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, complete with hand motions courtesy of The Wiggles.


Jordan got this cute little farm set and loves to play with it. She is obsessed with farm animals. She even named the farmers Grandma and Granpa Bob. Why? Because in Jordan's eyes, they are farmers. Plastic Grandpa Bob pushes his wheelboro around the coffee table and feeds the pig.