Why blog?

Honestly, I have long disliked the idea of blogging. Though I tend to be an open book with those I love, I am actually very private. The thought of having my intimate thoughts and feelings about my life "out there" bothers me a bit. But I decided to do this for one reason really...my kids. Right now it is just one kid, but I know there are others to come. I hope that through this blog I can leave a bit of a legacy for them to read later. If for some reason God should choose to take me early, I want my loves (Scott, Jordan, and future babies) to feel that through this blog, they know me. In 15-20 years I want my children to be encouraged by things the Lord has taught me through parenting and loving them. The sinful superstitious side of me is scared that by starting this blog I am sealing my fate to die early and leave this love letter for my kiddos to read later.

"Lord, even now free me of that silly fear; I know that should this be your will then it is also your will for my family."

I guess I fear leaving them early, leaving my daughter without a mom and leaving Scott to fend for himself. That thought in itself is so overwhelming it sends me into panic. Stupid huh? Do I not trust God with my life and the lives of those I love? Do I have control issues and am I afraid to let go? Who knows really. But I will face that fear in the eyes and publish this post on my blog! Take that death! Death will come to me eventually. It isn't something I need to fear. God has left me all kinds of promises regarding death. He tells me that my place in heaven is sealed. He tells me that I will see my loved ones again (essentially He says that our relationships with our loved ones doesn't end because one of them dies). He also promises that through death He will glorify himself. You know what? I want that! His glory is what I seek more than I seek long life. He has proven to me time and time again that trials have greater purpose. He has never failed to bring glory to himself through my trials. That is strangly satisfying. It is counter-cultural. You would think that there would be no satisfaction in someone else getting the lime light. But it is oh so satisfying. Lord, through my life glorify yourself. Lord, through my death glorify yourself. But more than these things I pray that you would bring Jordan to know you intimately so that she too will seek to glorify you. Above anything I want her to know the satisfaction of seeing the lime light on YOU!